Celebrity Jeopardy
by Burnt Shadow
Summary: SNL style Celebrity Jeopardy Guests are Sean Connary, Tom Cruise, and Bella Lugosi


Announcer- On tonight's episode of celebrity Jeopardy, we have Sean Connary, Bella Lugosi, and Tom Cruise. Now, here's your host, Alex Trevek!  
  
Alex- *Walks to podium*  
  
Tom- *Picks nose, examines finger, and pops it into his mouth*  
  
Alex- As much as I would rather not be here, they threatened to give my job to OJ Simpson, so here I am.  
  
Sean- *Moons Alex*  
  
Alex- Mr. Conary, please put that... thing... away.  
  
Sean- Quiet, Trevek, you know you like it! *Smaks ass and then sits down*  
  
Alex- Remind me to have that chair burned. Let's just get this over with. Your catergories are: 'WHASSAP???'; 'James Bond Age'; 'Russian Submarines'; 'Dracula, Starring Bella Lugosi'; 'Just Shut Up'; and 'Bill Clinton'. Mr. Cruise, the guys in the back room have the most bets against you, so you may pick first  
  
Tom- What? I'm not picking my nose. *Takes finger out of nose*  
  
Alex- *sighs* No, you may pick the catergory.  
  
Tom- *Reddening* Oh. 'WHASSAP???' for a buck and a half.  
  
Alex- There is no 'buck and a half' amount. Pick a new one.  
  
Tom- Okay, fifteen million.  
  
Alex- *Sighs again* How about two hundred?  
  
Tom- (dissapointed) All right.  
  
Alex- The answer is...  
  
Tom- Wait, don't give away the answer, I haven't even guessed yet... What was the question, again?  
  
Alex- That's not the way that Jeopardy works. I give you the answer, then you guess the question.  
  
Tom- That's dumb.  
  
Alex- Too bad. The answer is, "The WHASSAP??? commercials advertized this beer.  
  
Tom- Budweiser.  
  
Alex- That would be correct if you had placed your reply in the form of a question, and if you had buzzed in. You still have control of the board.  
  
Tom- 'WHASSAP???' for three hundred.  
  
Alex- This beer was advertized by the WHASSAP??? commercials.  
  
Tom- *Buzzes* What is Coors?  
  
Alex- The correct response would be 'What is Budweiser?' Mr. Lugosi, your turn to pick.  
  
Bella- *His exhumedcorpse sits on the chair with a gaping mouth* I'll take Bill Clinton for four hundred.  
  
Alex- Mr. Connary, leave the corpse alone. Stop talking for it, but, that's today's Video Daily Double.  
  
Hillary Clinton- This woman was a White House intern that made my lousy immoral, bastard, dirty, stinking... I could go on, but anyway, she is the namesake of the Monica Lewinski Scandal.  
  
Sean- *Buzzes* Who is Hillary Clinton?   
  
Alex- I'm sorry, but the correct response was 'Who is Monica Lewinski?' Mr. Connary, pick.  
  
Sean- I'll take James' Bondage for four hundred.  
  
Tom- *Giggles*  
  
Alex- That's appauling. that's James Bond Age, not bondage crap. Mr. Cruise, shut up. The answer is, 'this was the last James Bond movie starring... Sean Connary'. If you get this wrong... I don't know.  
  
Sean- *Buzzes* Russian Submarines for five hunderd.  
  
Alex- You didn't guess yet.  
  
Sean- Mark the callender, Trevek actually wants me to guess! What is 'James Bond goes To A Whorehouse'?  
  
Tom- *Giggles*  
  
Alex- *Groans* well, considering the content of most of those movies... Mr. Cruise, your pick.  
  
Tom- *Hides finger* Quit accusing me!  
  
Alex- Pick the catergory.  
  
Tom- Who is Bill Clinton?  
  
Alex- You know what? Let's just skip to Final Jeopardy. Your catergory is...  
  
Screen- "What's stuck Up Trevek's Ass"  
  
Sean and Tom- *Snickers*  
  
Alex- Mr. Connary, did you mess with the catergory?  
  
Sean- *Laughing ass off* Yes!  
  
Announcer- It's fixed now.  
  
Alex- The catergory is: Department of Redundancy Department. Just write something redundant.  
  
----- *Jeopardy music plays*  
  
Alex- Let's see what Tom Cruise wrote.  
  
Screen- What's redundant?  
  
Tom- I don't know.  
  
Alex- Well, what did Bella Jugosi write? (Walks to the podium with the corpse behind it)  
  
Screen- (part of a handprint)  
  
Alex- Okay, apparently, his hand fell off. What was his wager? Oh, the other part of the handprint. What about you, Mr. Connery?  
  
Sean- I believe you'll find my answer amusing.  
  
Alex- I'd hate to think.  
  
Screen- Trevek is a dumbass that's dumb  
  
Alex- That's redundant, as much as i hate to admit it, but you could have done better. What was the wager?  
  
Screen- Don't deny it  
  
Alex- Well, with a final score of zero, Mr. Bella Lugosi is our new champion. He gets to come back next time.  
  
Bella- *Head falls off*  



End file.
